8 Words of Wisdom from a Fat, Broke Adult

Dear Young Adult,

Is your momma always imparting words of wisdom? Do you ignore her, thinking that she is just being old and trying to spoil your fun? Did you think you are invincible and her little golden nuggets of knowledge are pointless because you plan on having your shit together… unlike her?

Sorry to say that by the time you have reached the same age as your mom you will have the same regrets as she did and you will be kicking yourself for not following her simple advice.

Fear not, there are currently many of us in this boat, and I think it is important we continue to pass on the same 8 words of wisdom so that one day they may actually be followed…

1. THE DENTIST IS YOUR FRIEND

Go to the dentist and get your check ups! The dentist will catch cavities before they turn into root canals, crowns, bridges, and eventually dentures. Guess what? None of that stuff is cheap and you will end up broke as fuck once all the work is done!
It’s pretty simple… get your check ups because those are way more affordable.

2. FLOSS IS NOT A DANCE

Ya’ll either dancing the floss or wearing floss, but none of ya’ll is actually flossing your damn teeth! This ain’t no joke. Your momma told you to floss, the dentist gonna tell you to floss and I’m telling you to floss. You can’t see it, but food gets stuck in-between your teeth and helps promote tooth decay and bad breath. Just spend the spare change on a container of floss to prevent a lifetime of debt.

3. CHEWING GUM IS EVIL

Take it from someone who knows a thing or two about the evils of gum. It’s tasty and it helps with breath issues, especially if you are really into a guy (wink, wink). Question is, you are back at his place and you still have the gum in your mouth, what do you do?
A. Stick it to his side table, you may need it later?
B. Who cares about bad breath… your gonna spit it out immediately.
C. Tuck it to the back of your teeth and enjoy a good make out session until you fall asleep?
The answer is simple – do whatever it takes to ensure that you do not fall asleep with it lodged in your teeth for safe keeping! Gum has sugar, sugar causes decay, decay causes rotting teeth and then eventual bankruptcy because you can’t afford to exist anymore after you have had a couple root canals.

4. SAVING IS INVESTING IN YOUR FUTURE SELF

As soon as your momma starts talking about “savings”, your brain shuts down and all you hear is “blah, blah, blah ….”
I can’t tell you shit about my savings because I ain’t got none! Why? Because I recognized the need for a nest egg too late. When I was big and grown and life started happening, I couldn’t afford to save. I needed every damn penny I made every month. It ain’t no joke when your momma says, “get into the habit of putting a little money aside every month…you never know when it will be necessary”. And “necessary” don’t mean for a new handbag, the latest designer jacket or some stupid ass game console. Believe me when I say that there are gonna be plenty of extremely “necessary” moments throughout your life.
As soon as you start working, deduct a small amount each month. The material items will come and go, but the security of a nest egg for your future will always be there if you are smart enough to start now.

5. METABOLISM IS A BITCH

You out there looking all slim and trim with your perpetual “summer body”. Your momma dieting and shit and can barely lose any weight. She was just born fat right? WRONG! She hit 30 and it all started going down hill from there and she just couldn’t stop it from happening until it was too late. Now she is watching everything she eats, when she eats it and trying to find the motivation to at least make 5,000 steps for the day.
The day after your 29th birthday, start some form of exercise. Slow metabolism and feeling shit about how you look is REAL!! Do not for one second believe you are invincible and your body will look the same forever. Take care of it and it will take care of you.

6. HORMONES ARE NOT JUST SEX FEELINGS

The only time you have heard the word “hormones” is in connection with male and female anatomy and the chemical surge of feelings that passes through the body super-charging the organs that facilitate that exceedingly fun activity. What can I say other than, “what a crock of steaming shit!” Hormones are horrible little fuckers that mess with every organ in your body and not in a good way. When our hormones are imbalanced we suffer from weight gain, early menopause, low libido, aches and pains and insomnia. In order to balance those bastards we need to increase our nutrient and minerals intake, dry brush, pop collagen tablets, drink plenty of water, lather our bodies with magnesium lotion… and take a gentle stroll daily.
Do not allow the onset of early menopause…if you do you can forget about that “fun activity” you used to enjoy.

7. NO ONE EATS FOR TWO

There is no such thing called, “eating for two”. No single human being in their right mind would eat for two human beings unless they wanted to be a 300 ton slob in a bed of burgers. And that is definitely not a goal anyone wants to achieve.
Don’t take “eating for two” literally when you get pregnant. Being pregnant is lovely (once the morning sickness passes). Enjoy every moment! Listen to your body and allow your cravings to guide you on your journey. But do not for one hot minute believe that the journey involves eating entire boxes of chocolates and consuming three plates of food every hour on the hour. Being pregnant is NOT an excuse to stop caring about the health of your body.

8. FIRST COMES MARRIAGE, A BABY AND THEN Complacency!

Don’t get “comfortable” once you get married. Comfort weight is real and it is hard as f*ck to get rid of. Being married for the first year is bliss. You can let it all hang out… specially once you get pregnant and you start “eating for two”.
But even after the baby is born, do not fall into the habit of eating tubs of ice cream every night watching Netflix with hubby. Have some constraint because you will regret it 2 years later when you hate your body and sex doesn’t even occur with the lights on, much less off, anymore.

My darling Young Adults, avoid these disastrous pitfalls by heeding the advice. Learn from your elders and know that your momma is not trying to “cramp your style”… she is merely trying to protect you from your future self.

Good luck

A Fat, Broke Adult Warrior x

6 SIMPLE WAYS TO COMBAT HORMONE IMBALANCE

Ladies, it doesn’t matter what age you are…
Are your hormones playing havoc on your wellbeing?
Are you tired of trying to analyze your symptoms?
Are you confused by all the jargon and where to begin with the healing process?
With a little help from my personal friend, ‘Dr. Google’, and plenty of trial and error, I have unearthed 6 simple ways to get you back onto the road of recovery.

When I was 16 years old, my mother went through menopause.
Lets face it, talking about our bodies candidly was a very taboo subject if you were born in the 70’s and 80’s. The first time I heard the word “menopause” it was while my mother was sweating profusely and swallowing primrose oil capsules like a drug addict.

I never cared to ask her about it because I thought she was a “cantankerous old bitch”. And she didn’t educate me because she was too irritated trying to figure it out. The only wisdom she ever imparted about my body was when I was 20 years old – “remember your metabolism slows down after 30, which means you have to watch your weight”. “Yeah whatever mom… I’m gonna be skinny forever and eat whatever the hell I want!!“

Fast forward 19 years – one child and 85lbs heavier, and I was convinced I was going through early menopause (or what doctors call “peri-menopause“). I Googled my symptoms like a crack addict, and even though I could tick half the boxes on the list, my somewhat irregular menstrual cycle was still showing up to play every month, so I knew it had to be something different.

Since my husband was – and still is – a health freak, I decided to jump on his bandwagon of bee pollen and vitamin consumption with the hope of some reprieve from these mysterious symptoms. I religiously swallowed things like cod liver oil, primrose oil, multivitamins, biotin… the list was endless. Let’s just say I still have a drawer dedicated to pills, potions and concoctions that did not make me feel any better!
Truth be told, they were making me feel worse, and I was still suffering from the same symptoms:
Sleepy
Very low libido (my poor husband)
Unusually irregular periods every month
Lethargic
Serious insomnia (for months)
Hot flashes
Miserable (extremely)
Achy knee joints
Back pain
Poor circulation in both legs

I had to go back to Dr. Google for another check up. My 2nd round of research unearthed something different this time…
“Hormone Imbalance“.

Some of you might have heard of it already, and followed your friends advice to get a blood test – that probably came back “normal”.
Were you  prescribed pills to treat it? But are you still feeling seriously blah?
Are you convinced there is more to it than popping a pill?

FIRST OF ALL, WHAT THE HELL IS HORMONE IMBALANCE?

Hormones are our body’s chemical messengers. Produced in the endocrine glands, these powerful chemicals travel around our bloodstream telling tissues and organs what to do. They help control many of our body’s major processes, including metabolism and reproduction.
When we have a hormonal imbalance, we have too much or too little of a certain hormone. Even tiny changes can have serious effects throughout our whole body.

 

There are tons of articles about WHY it occurs, and the SYMPTOMS associated with it, but there are not enough concise articles from REAL women who have tried and tested products or activities, and created an easy list of solutions for the rest of us to follow.
This is where I can help!

HERE ARE 6 WAYS (and helpful hints) TO GET YOU BACK ON THE ROAD TO RECOVERY:

COLLAGEN

Our joints need collagen to stay supple. Collagen constitutes one to two percent of muscle tissue and accounts for 6% of the weight of strong, tendinous, muscles. The fibroblast is the most common cell that creates collagen. Collagen safeguards connective tissues & cartilage, contributes maintenance of muscle mass, promote tissue hydration, bones strength and elbows & hip lubrication. Collagen has many medical uses in treating complications of the bones and skin.
Helpful hint: I find that any brand with marine collagen type 1 & 3 is more effective. The capsule form is far more palatable to consume than a powder or a tonic.

MAGNESIUM

Magnesium is a mineral found in the earth, sea, plants, animals and humans. About 60% of the magnesium in your body is found in bone, while the rest is in muscles, soft tissues and fluids, including blood. In fact, every cell in your body contains it and needs it to function.
Helpful hint: I prefer to use a Magnesium Body Butter. After much trial and error, I discovered Magnesium oils applied directly to the skin can burn!!
It is a good idea to buy a mixture that contains shea butter and a carrier oil. Rub this on your joints and pain points, including the soles of your feet every night, and you will start to feel the difference after a month or so (or until sufficient magnesium has been absorbed into your body). You can also buy the collagen capsules, but it is not advised to ingest over 350mg because you may have an adverse reaction. To avoid digestive system issues, applying magnesium transdermally is the most effective way.

DRY BRUSHING

Dry brushing is a combination of exfoliation and massage that involves taking a dry bristle brush and moving it over your body in slow, circular motions two to three times a week.
The firm bristles of the dry brush give your skin a thorough exfoliation, while the pressure helps to stimulate your circulation and lymphatic drainage, which in turn is supposed to help the body eliminate toxins.
Helpful hint: I strongly suggest you use a long-handled dry brush, and only brush in the mornings. I found that doing it at night made me a little too energetic to enjoy a good nights rest.

WALKING

The stress hormone known as cortisol can create inflammation and hormonal imbalance. Walking outdoors can help balance hormones. Walking in forest environments can not only reduce cortisol levels, blood pressure, and heart rate, but boost the immune system, according to research published in Environmental Health and Preventive Medicine.
Helpful hint:– Yes ladies… you heard me right! Coming from someone who abhors any form of exercise, I can legitimately say that whether it’s a casual stroll or brisk walk, you will definitely feel the positive effects. Get yourself a fitness watch like a Fitbit Versa, and make it more entertaining by listening to music and attempting to meet your step goal each day.

SMOOTHIE

A delicious smoothie in the morning with a banana, frozen berries, some fresh spinach leaves, a handful of flax seeds (or chia) and a splash of almond milk, contains all the right nutrients your body needs to kickstart the day.
Helpful hint: Add some matcha powder to your smoothie because it has over 50 times the anti-oxidising power of spinach per gram! 

CALORIE COUNTING (MADE SIMPLE)

There’s a lot of advice out there on how to eat healthy, and if we’re being honest, it can sometimes feel like too much to think about. Especially when you’re hungry.
The number of calories in food is a measurement of the amount of energy stored in that food. Your body uses up the calories from food for walking, thinking, breathing, and other important functions.
The average person needs to eat about 2,000 calories every day to maintain their weight. However, a person’s specific daily calorie intake can vary depending on their age, gender, and physical activity level.
Men generally need more calories than women, and people who exercise need more calories than people who don’t. Many of us are not even aware that we are either over-eating or under-eating for our height, weight, age and activity level.
Helpful hint: I use the FREE My Fitness Pal app (available on Android and IOS). It helps to keep track of the percentage of fat, protein, carbohydrates and sugars consumed in each meal. Keeping a food diary helps you understand your habits and increases your likelihood of hitting your goals. You won’t realize how imbalanced your diet really is until you use this app. 
(This app syncs very easily to Apple Health, Fitbit and Samsung Health),

Make these simple additions to your daily routine like I did, and you will add the spring back into your step… and you may lose a few pounds in the process.

Happy healing ladies!

Featured on: https://www.elephantjournal.com/2019/04/peri-menopause-or-hormone-imbalance/fbclid=IwAR35ppxKJsPoEaywy1DsP7ttkLPGt6Uxe0GkLdAMgbgyez8LQwzIzSeKJWQ